It's easy to quit smoking, I've done it hundreds of times
Setup [Jun - Sept]
While working at a small startup in HSR layout, a friend/colleague of mine suggested that I install Quickride, as it was a great way to meet new people and possibly someone to date. As destiny would have it, after 5 boring successful rides I met Rushti. Meeting the Jharkhand i seemed to be the best thing that ever happened to me. We started talking soon and the conversions kept flowing endlessly, like a the Indus. She was smart, funny and sexy.
After about two weeks of talking, we were both working on one Saturday and we decided to meet and spend the day to see how my first date would go. A few minutes of walking around and I her slipper snapped, so we had to walk for a while until we found a slipper store to get 350 Rupee chappals. This began a tradition of long walks which would last for the duration of the entire relationship. It was a memorable date filled with thrills and laughs. An evening to remember.
A few dates later, I believed that I had gathered enough attention and respect so I manned up and did what any young adult would have done. I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said we should date longer.
Things didn't get awkward. By now she was riding with me during both the morning and evening journeys to the office. We had ample time to talk in the evening especially due to the dreaded Silk Board Junction. We continued the long walks and wonderful dinners as well. I showed so much what it's like to be a Bangalorean and areas around Jayanagar.
After several weeks of contemplation, I finally asked her out again on 19th Sept 2019 and this time she agreed with a big smile. We sealed with a wonderful kiss in the park a few of days later. This girl can kiss! You could feel the numbness and during those tight moments, you become completely engrossed and forget everything. You zone out and life seems to come to a standstill. The adrenaline rush and dopamine takes you out of this world.
She committed to taking me more seriously when I showed her the full breadth of my achievements and skills.
Early days of our relationship featured looking for appropriate places to kiss. We found four spots around Jayanagar, two parks, a mobile showroom and a karate class basement. This was a rare task where the reward was rewarding as the pursuit of the challenge itself. Lots of adventures and lots of fun.
Meanwhile our conversations were going wonderfully as well. I could talk to her about anything under the sun. It was truly magical to connect with someone who understood the things you enjoyed, even the jokes. I finally understood a lot of the world from the female point of view and learnt so many things everyday. Also my English and storytelling improved leaps and bounds.
Testing times [Oct - Dec]
By October and November I started seriously looking for another job. I hadn't interviewed or written any competitive programs in the last four years. So managing my day job, the learning, my girlfriend and reading books (I wanted to finish 50 books in 2019) was very very challenging.
As life would have it, she was done with her job at a reasonably sized startup in HSR layout. The last day of her job was to be the end of November and her new job was to start in late December in Kormangala. But they made her wait a bit longer and she disappointedly continued to work till mid of December. Meanwhile she cracked three other interviews and had four job offers with her. She made up her mind to join one of these big companies until she got a massive opportunity with the Dragon creating company. She decided to go ahead with the Dragon wielders in a Design role for the RnD team on the outskirts of Bangalore starting on 1st of Feb.
It was hard to see her doing so well and slaying every interview she appeared for and me getting rejected in every company that I applied to. But for love lust and the power of attraction that she had, I was just spellbound. Nothing would keep me from meeting her. I was disappointed every time she didn't pick up. The anxiety built from the fear of losing her is something all guys have to be careful about.
Meanwhile I was giving a lot of interviews and facing a lot of rejections and disappointments. All popular e-commerce companies had decided not to go ahead with me. One day I attended a talk by an inspiring individual and applied to his company as well and I finally cracked its interview, after 5 gruelling rounds. I got the accept around the beginning of January.
Long meetings and Lengthy Calls [Jan - Feb]
Now that both our future jobs were secure, and her new job posting required a month of training which would be in Mumbai starting on First of Feb, we started hanging out a lot more. We started walking and talking a lot more and in general spending wonderful time together almost everyday during January. We explored a lot of Bangalore from Lal Bhag to Visvesvaraya museum to food street to MTR, CRT, to Hari Super Sandwich and a long list of names. I had forgotten what it was like to be a Bangalorean and I'm happy that got to relive a lot of my childhood with a fresh pair of eyes.
The dreaded day came too soon and she had to go to Bombay. I asked to send me one text a day no matter what. We had long conversations lasting a few hours. My farewell in my current company was planned for 29th feb and the days prior to that were filled with knowledge transfers and Rushti being busy too. We hardly spoke during that last week and time flew by.
Dooms Day [Mar)
Just before I left my company, Rushti complained of stomach pains which was diagnosed as Kidney stones in a couple of days. Her busyness was because she was unable to move and had barely used her phone during those days. We still talked sparingly. As a result of the 8mm kidney stone, she didn't fly back to Bangalore, but moved to her relatives place in Pune. Conversations stalled and she became increasingly difficult to reach.
On 6th March, I left for SDM Nature Cure Hospital in Manipal for an extensive course in Yoga, some detox and escape from city life. Our communication continued to linger in limbo and as she stopped taking my calls and responding to texts. I barely got any sleep during those days because I was worried for her and worried about us. I even prayed in the Udupi Krishna Temple and left a decent donation there.
As of 15th March, I've been blocked on all social media with no closure. I'm terribly disappointed with the way she handled the situation and made me sick to my gut. I'm writing this article as a way to seek some sort of self closure and recover from this engagement.
Lessons and Analysis
I thank fate for connecting us and giving me the best possible time for a full nine months from June-19 to Feb-20. The last fifteen days were miserable but it's made me stronger than ever. We never fought during our time as a couple. We had amazing conversions with controversial opinions and always arrived at some reasonable conclusion. Everywhere I walk I remember her words and our time spent in the wonderful locality around my home.
Having said all that there were plenty of red flags I chose to ignore due to the fear of losing her. You can't see the red flags unless you inspect for them! Have fights and settle disputes. After all by Aumann's agreement theorem, two rationalists can't agree to disagree. Don't ignore red flags. Don't get overly invested in the relationship and let your worklife suffer as a result. I'm lucky to have time to recover from this. I won't be making the same mistakes in the future.
I thank you, Rushti for the best of times. You have fed with a cocktail of emotions and touched my soul deep, it will take me a while swim myself out of this mess. Life as I know it will never be the same again. You gave me some great advice and took for a ride I'll never forget. Thanks for everything.
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